Cute Eighties Movies

Dear cheesy romantic eighties movies,

Thanks a lot.

Because of you, I now wake up every morning expecting to open my front door and see a Jake Ryan hot guy equivalent standing across the street. Of course he’ll be in front of his classic red car, waiting for me. I will shyly mouth the words, “Me?” with a hopeful, yet disbelieving frown. He’ll laugh for a moment, then mouth back, “Yes, you!” as a sparkly grin grows across his face.

But alas, this has not actually happened to me yet. In fact, I can’t even think of any guys I know who would EVER do this for me or anyone else. Because of your stupid, charming endings, I now waste hours daydreaming about my perfect closing scene. I know very well it is not going to happen, but being a teenage girl makes it a little tough to block out of my mind.

I mean, I would even love to be a part of the Breakfast Club plot. Sure, being stuck in detention would be a drag. But come on, you know the ending is too adorable for words. John Bender might start out all tough, but by the end I definitely would have given him my earring. Watching him walk across the field, pumping his fist because he’s finally won me ove, well, I wouldn’t complain about that!

All in all, I just wanted to remind you that us teenage girls (even ones from the 2000s) fall for your tricks much too easily. I might as well adopt spinsterhood early, because I have to accept that no guy is going to hold a radio up to my window to win me back. Or like in “When Harry Met Sally” (1989 counts!), my best friend will end up being the perfect guy for me. Unfortunately, I don’t think that is going to happen either.

I just wanted you to remember who your audience consists of: a bunch of hopelessly romantic, cheesy, sometimes impractical and stupid, teenage girls. Molly Ringwald might be grown up now, but those movies are still affecting gullible girls like me.  *Sigh*

Sincerely,

                              Yours truly

PS. Can you at least throw me a randomly coordinated dance number some day? I always wanted one. That might make up for some of our issues. Thanks.